Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
