Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I wish there were birth control emojis
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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