have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
