i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
