i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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