she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
