I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
