two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
