so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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