OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
