Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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