he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
