I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
