I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I will pee on everything he values.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
