just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
