I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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