Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
ugly people sure do ruin things
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When did angry sex become our thing?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
