They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
