were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
