Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
