My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I love having hate sex.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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