But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
