I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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