He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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