Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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