I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
