the condom got lost in my hair
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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