I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
