She is in my trunk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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