p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
