Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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