can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
