there were more penises there than on chat roulette
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
