and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
