There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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