Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he shaved USA in his pubs
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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