I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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