I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
this hospital has no fireball
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
