Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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