Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
