he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
