So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Alive.
So much puke
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
