I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
