Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
