In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
