would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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