i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
