Ambien. No doubt about it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
