so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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