but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
