I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
